You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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