Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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