"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
