I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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