i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize