So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
