super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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