i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
