The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
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He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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