one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
