I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
