remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
PANTIES FOUND
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