His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
