he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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