I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
