That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
