can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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