2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
