Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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