I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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