Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
