I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
