I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
