i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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