Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wear drunk well.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
