We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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