so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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