so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
