the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
