It was confusing and full of hummus
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I love you.
Bad choice
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
