Got a toothbrush?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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