my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
