You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
