C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
