Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
