one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
