So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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