yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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