i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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