I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
