Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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