i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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