my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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