Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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