Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
