Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Soap is not a condiment
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
sarcasm needs its own font
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
