Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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