Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
