he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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