I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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