chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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