Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
