im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
