Your mouth is God's brothel.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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