All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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