I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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