if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
