Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
