I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
