We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
