why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
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I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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