she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
