my mouth tastes like poor choices
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
