So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
