either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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