I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
