Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
