I will die if light touches me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
