he wants to bone in the snuggie
one might say we're banned from that church
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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