i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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