The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
