my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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