she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize