Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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