first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No subtext here. People are naked.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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