I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
