I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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