He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
