Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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