At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
