Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
