I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Green mimosas i think yes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
