Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
